If Oats Had Tits: A Rant, a Roast, and a Real Cup of Coffee
Let’s get something off our chest.
Mushroom coffee? It's not coffee. It's powdered fungi with a splash of caffeine and a whole lot of hype. And oat milk? Please. If oats had tits, maybe I’d call it milk. But they don’t. What you’re really drinking is glucose and emulsifiers—definitely not protein and fat. It’s oat juice in a clever disguise.
Now hey, drink whatever makes you happy—we’re not here to judge. But at Santa Martha Café, coffee still means something. It's grown in the ground, picked by hand, and roasted with intention. No gimmicks, no trendy buzzwords—just real beans from real people.
Sometimes, the most radical thing you can do is drink a legit cup of coffee.
—Ken & Ruth
Santa Martha Café Roastery
Air-roasted. No bull. Randolph, MN
Where to Find Us This Week
This week, skip the oat juice and come grab a fresh roast at your local farmers market:
☕ Tuesday, July 8
Hastings Farmers Market | 8 AM – 1 PM
📍 1355 S Frontage Rd, Hastings, MN
👋 Tayler will be there serving up the good stuff.
👉 Preorder here
☕ Wednesday, July 9
Goodhue Farmers Market | 3:30 – 6:30 PM
📍 105 S Broadway St, Goodhue, MN
🎉 Back after a little hiatus and ready to fuel your summer.
👉 Preorder here
☕ Thursday, July 10
Cottage Grove UCC Farmers Market | 2:30 – 6:30 PM
📍 7008 Lamar Ave S, Cottage Grove, MN
🇺🇸 Still riding high from the Fourth? Come top it off with a fresh cup.
👉 Preorder here
☕ Saturday, July 12
Red Wing Farmers Market (Depot) | 8 AM – 1 PM
📍 418 Levee St, Red Wing, MN
🌞 We’re banking on sunshine and good vibes.
👉 Preorder here
Hastings Farm Market | 8 AM – 1 PM
📍 1355 S Frontage Rd, Hastings, MN
☕ Bring your tote, grab a bag, and fuel up for the weekend.
👉 Preorder here
Riverwalk Market Fair (Northfield) | 9 AM – 1 PM
📍 12 Bridge Square, Northfield, MN
🎨 Local artists, bakers, makers—and of course, roasters.
👉 Preorder here
No oat juice. No mushroom dust. Just really good coffee.