If Oats Had Tits: A Rant, a Roast, and a Real Cup of Coffee

Let’s get something off our chest.

Mushroom coffee? It's not coffee. It's powdered fungi with a side of marketing hype and a caffeine chaser. And oat milk? Please. If oats had tits, maybe I’d call it milk. But they don’t. So what you’re sipping is oat juice dressed up with emulsifiers and a splash of glucose. Not protein. Not fat. Just vibes.

Now hey, drink whatever you want—we’re not judging. But here at Santa Martha Café, “coffee” still means something. It’s grown in real soil. Picked by human hands. Roasted with intention. No gimmicks. No feel-good buzzwords slapped on the bag. Just honest beans. From honest farmers. Roasted with real fire (well, hot air, but you get the idea).

Because sometimes, the most radical thing you can do… is drink a legit cup of coffee.

—Ken & Ruth
Santa Martha Café Roastery
Air-roasted. No bull. Randolph, MN

Where to Find Us This Week

Summer’s buzzing and so are our grinders. Come say hi, grab a cup, and stock up on beans at your local farmers market:

☕ Tuesday, July 8

Hastings Farmers Market | 8 AM – 1 PM
📍 1355 S Frontage Rd, Hastings, MN
👋 Tayler will be holding it down with your coffee favorites.
👉 Preorder here

☕ Wednesday, July 9

Goodhue Farmers Market | 3:30 – 6:30 PM
📍 105 S Broadway St, Goodhue, MN
🎉 We're back after a little hiatus and ready to caffeinate!
👉 Preorder here

☕ Thursday, July 10

Cottage Grove UCC Farmers Market | 2:30 – 6:30 PM
📍 7008 Lamar Ave S, Cottage Grove, MN
🇺🇸 Still glowing from a fun Fourth with friends and family? Come toast your freedom with a fresh cup.
👉 Preorder here

☕ Saturday, July 12

Red Wing Farmers Market (Depot) | 8 AM – 1 PM
📍 418 Levee St, Red Wing, MN
🌞 Forecast calls for sun, smiles, and strong coffee.
👉 Preorder here

Hastings Farm Market | 8 AM – 1 PM
📍 1355 S Frontage Rd, Hastings, MN
🌽 Come for the corn, stay for the caffeine.
👉 Preorder here

Riverwalk Market Fair (Northfield) | 9 AM – 1 PM
📍 12 Bridge Square, Northfield, MN
🎨 Support your local growers, makers, and bakers—and let us fill your cup while you do it.
👉 Preorder here

Stay caffeinated, friends. And remember: it's not oat milk, it’s oat marketing.

👉 Shop Online Anytime
📅 Check Upcoming Events
📍 Find Us on the Map

🌱 A Fresh Shipment of Green Coffee Has Arrived — Almost

There’s something quietly thrilling about slicing open a burlap sack filled with green coffee beans. The cool weight, the soft grassy aroma, the subtle reminder of a long journey from farm to roastery — it’s the start of something special. And this week, that moment finally arrived.

We welcomed in our first shipment of this season’s green coffee, sourced directly from farmers we know and deeply respect. These beans aren’t just raw ingredients — they carry the care, skill, and stories of the people who grew them. Every sack is a promise: that exceptional cups are on the horizon.

But we’re not quite there yet. A few final bags are still en route — possibly delayed by customs, weather, or a truck stalled somewhere between here and the Midwest. Coffee has a way of teaching us patience, and this season is no exception.

Once those last pieces arrive, we’ll begin the next stage: sorting, profiling, and roasting. This is where the magic happens — where raw potential meets years of roasting experience to bring out the best of each bean.

We’re close. And we’re excited.

☕ Catch Us at the Market

Here’s where you can find us this week:

Tuesday, July 1 — Hastings Farmers Market (8 AM – 1 PM)
Start your July with a cup of something special.
Thursday, July 4 — Closed for Independence Day
Ruth & Ken will be celebrating with friends. No events this day.
Saturday, July 5
- Red Wing Farmers Market (Depot) — 8 AM – 1 PM
- Hastings Farmers Market — 8 AM – 1 PM
- Riverwalk Market Fair (Northfield) — 9 AM – 1 PM
We'll be delivering freshly roasted coffee to all three markets. Come say hi!

👉 Pre-order your favorites now
Use these discount codes at checkout for market pickup:

RWFM for Red Wing
HFM for Hastings
RWMF for Riverwalk Market Fair

💬 Stay Tuned

We’re so close to launching our next roast — and we can’t wait to share it with you. Keep an eye out on social or subscribe to our newsletter for first tastes, roast notes, and origin stories.

Thanks for being part of the journey.

With gratitude,
Ruth & Ken
Santa Martha Cafe